Last night was my first night back to school for the semester. I've been going to college (again) for a full year now, but I was having a little bit of a breakdown making the quick change from work to school and realizing that I wasn't going to see my boys hardly at all until the weekend. And Kris goes back to his other dad then, so my only contact with him is going to be making sure that he gets up and bathed before school in the morning.
So, while sitting through my first "Intro to Physical Therapy" course, my mind refused to focus on what was going on. I was lamenting the fact that I'm going to be missing out on so much playtime with the boys, and not paying attention to the teacher at the bottom of the lecture hall that seemed to be doing his level best to scare us all away from ever being full-fledged therapists.
At the first break, I decided to go outside for a smoke (NASTY habit, but so utterly fantastic) and call home. Kris was pulled away from his video game to talk to me, but was gracious enough to give me almost two full minutes on the phone, far from the Black-Ops missions that he was running in Viet Nam.
Mattie took over the phone call, and that boy put his gift of making daddy want to cry to full use. "Daddy... You come home right now. You miss me. I play Batman game... Uncle Matthew... Spongebob... I love you!"
Yeah. Me and my gushy mood listened to that and then went back into class. I've never watched a clock so closely in my life.
The guy let us go right at nine o'clock. I made the trip from downtown to Brook Park in under fifteen minutes. Made it home safely, and he was up and waiting for me.
I don't think that I had ever realized what an emotional wreck my kids have turned me into until right then. Mattie and I sat together, rebuilding his train set (which normally just infuriates me: why he insists on mass-destruction for the town he has been given is beyond me), and then it was time for pajamas and bed. All Kris wanted was to know if he could have ice-cream, and then he took himself up to bed. I don't think that he knows he could have asked for just about anything right then and ended up having me just hand it over.
There's no real end to this story. Everyone just ended up happily tucked into bed for the night. Me and Pammie got a little bit of quiet time when she walked in from work, and then we went to bed too. I'm feeling a little bit better about the whole thing today, probably not going to have the big breakdown again any time soon...
But I guess we'll just have to wait and see.